Sexual Purity in a Sex-Saturated World, Part 2

This is God’s game plan. First, it’s: walking in love demands sexual purity. Second, sexual purity demands a game plan. There are four parts to this game plan. Pull out a pen; jot them down.

Number one: Develop convictions. Develop convictions. Purity requires a personal commitment to the truth. The truth is this: Walk in love. Don’t walk in lust. Are you committed to that or not? And there is a big difference between a belief, and a conviction.

Convictions are rooted in: God said this. God’s character is that He’s good. He’s a sun and a shield. He gives grace and glory. He’s not going to withhold any good thing.

I didn’t give those boys a bike so they could be frustrated because they just couldn’t go out in the five lanes. I gave it to them so they could enjoy it, and ride, and have fun. And the older they got, they could go farther and farther and farther, and have lots of fun.

But there is a difference between believing something, and a conviction. A conviction is, you do it, whether anybody’s watching or not. And a conviction is, you do it, even if you’re persecuted for it.

When you don’t have a conviction, those things you think you believe, they will not sustain you when something pops up on the Internet. They won’t sustain you when someone flirts. They won’t sustain you when you’re in a rocky part of your marriage, and someone gives you some attention at work. They will not sustain you when you’re looking for that right person and, “Well, I don’t really believe in this, but we really love each other and…” Empty words. Develop convictions.

Second, ponder the consequences. Fear can be a legitimate and healthy motivation for delayed gratification.

Notice, in verses 5 and 6, “God’s wrath is against those who disobey.” As a loving Father, there’s wrath, there’s anger, there are consequences. Do you think the God of the universe, who cares about you…

And one of the most precious gifts He’s ever given you is this gift of intimacy, and sex, and connection, and designed to bond you. When you violate that, don’t you understand there are spiritual consequences? You get cut off from your fellowship with Him, and you have this guilt, and your prayers don’t go through. You don’t have much motivation. You don’t hang around with other Christians. Your lifestyle begins to…

There are relational price tags. You will use and exploit other people, and you will carry guilt. There are physical issues.

You have to ponder the consequences. You have to think about, What would happen if I really get hooked on this stuff? What would happen if I keep messing around, flirtatiously, at work? What would happen if we continue to live together, and…

See, you ponder it, and here’s what I encourage you to do. Get your favorite, relaxing something to drink, and whether that’s coffee at a coffee shop, or something at home, and put your feet up, and then actually go through a mental picture, and try and create a movie of what the implications would be like if you fail morally.

My movie is, there’s a long couch, right here. And at the very end – I’ll go in order – Eric, who’s the oldest; then Jason; then Ryan; then Annie. Theresa sits on the end.

And I pull them all together, and I’m shaking, and they wonder what’s going on. And I probably get down on one knee, and they’re all here, and Theresa’s on the end, and I say, “I just need to let you all know that I’ve done something I am very ashamed of. For the last three months, I have fallen, morally. And I want you to know that everything I have taught, everything I have said, everything I have communicated to you guys about sexual purity – I blew it. I could tell you about how I was tired, and how I was vulnerable, and all the different reasons. But I betrayed your mother, and I betrayed you.

“And because of the kind of job I have, I want you to know, I don’t have a job now. I want you to know that, because I have a little bit of a profile, it will be in the papers. It will be in Christianity Today. It’ll be in some other magazines.

“I want you to know that I will make you an object of ridicule, because people will say, ‘Yeah, you know those people that didn’t believe much in God, or much in Jesus, and your dad, who seemed like he was a pretty straight shooter – he’s just like all the rest. I don’t buy Jesus, I don’t buy God.’ And I don’t know how much damage I’ll do for the whole rest of your life. I don’t know if we’ll have a relationship. At this point, I’m praying your mom will forgive me, and we can get this thing back together somehow. But I don’t know if she will or not. I’ve violated her that deeply.”

That’s a bad movie, isn’t it? That’s a really bad movie. What does your bad movie look like? What does your bad movie look like? Because I will tell you what, the fear of God is the beginning of knowledge, and the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. And to think that there are five-lane highways, and rules that the Creator of the universe has put in place, and that you can go play in those, and it not smash your life, and ruin your life, and destroy your life, and destroy others, you’re dreaming.

This isn’t little stuff. Sexual purity – there is nothing that aligns more with worship than our sexuality, because our sexuality and our worship have to do with either God or idols.

So, if you want to be sexually pure, you develop convictions. You say, “That’s the way I’m going to live. I will struggle, I may fail, but that’s the way I’m going to live.” Second, you ponder the consequences.

And third – here’s where you get the victory: You make pre-decisions. Advanced decision-making is the absolute necessity for sexual purity. Pre-decisions.

If you wait – if you’re dating someone, and it’s one thirty in the morning, and it’s late and you’re at his or her apartment, or the parents are gone, and you’re semi-laying down, watching this movie, really engrossed in the movie, I’m sure, and no one is around, at one thirty, and your defenses are low, you will do what you thought could never happen in this relationship. You both love God. You both want to be pure. You both made your commitments. At one thirty in the morning, lying down, watching the movie, in a dark room, no one is around…

Eighty percent of all young women never plan to have sex the first time. And you’re no different. You get it? You have to make a pre-decision. You have to decide, in advance, These are things I won’t let in my mind. This is how I will live my life so those things don’t get me. It’s all about pre-decisions.

In fact, verse 7 says we’re not to be partakers. We’re not to associate with anything that’s sexually impure, in thought – right? – in word, or deed.

Now, what I have before me is a blue sheet of paper. You can’t read it. In fact, if you could, probably I would cover it up. But I’ve made some pre-decisions. I’m going to share my pre-decisions, but here’s what you need to hear: these are mine. These are mine. I’m uniquely made by God. Being uniquely made by God, I have some strengths, and I have some glaring weaknesses, and my strengths will be different than yours, and my weaknesses will be different than yours.

So, this isn’t a set of rules that everyone needs to hear Chip’s and say, “Well, this is what I should do.” No, no. What you ought to hear is, “You know, number one, three, five, seven, six, and eight? I think I need those. That other one, I’m not sure where he’s coming from.” But you have to make pre-decisions. But I’m thinking, if I tell you to make pre-decisions, and I don’t give you some handles on things that might help you, what are they?

Pre-decision for me, number one: When someone starts telling a dirty joke – I play a lot of pick-up basketball and hang out with guys who are very, very unchurched. And they start sharing something that’s really lewd. If I’m really close with them, I’ll say something like, “Hey, dude, come on, man. I don’t want to hear that stuff.”

Pre-decision number two: When something comes on the TV, the Internet, and it’s suggestive – pre-decision: I change the channel, or I turn it off, now. Immediately.

And you know what? All sexual sin starts very subtly. All affairs start very subtly. And you watch it – it’s not like, Oh, this guy. Would you get off it? You’re just overblowing this thing. You know what it’s like? Sexual sin is like someone says, “Now, don’t go in the water; it’s dangerous!” And you walk out, up to your knees, and you go, What’s with these people? This is, “Don’t watch this; don’t watch that.” That guy, he’s just – you know, he’s on drugs.

So, you go out, and it’s up to your waist and, it actually feels kind of good. Then, you say, “I’ll tell you what …” Someone says, “Well, you ought to try these floaties.”

So, you lay down, and pretty soon, you look up, and – have you done this in the ocean? You get out in the water, here, and this is where your camp is, or lawn chairs, or whatever. And you look up, and, oh, my lands, you’re all the way down here.

Well, here’s what happens with sexual sin, “Man, we’re just friends. It stimulates me. I think it’s going to help the sexuality in our marriage, because sometimes I struggle in those areas.” There are lots of empty words.

And then, here’s what happens: Then, the current gets you, and you’re not this deep, and you’re not this deep, and you’re full-blown in it, and there are waterfalls coming, and you go, “Oh my gosh! I have to get out of this!” And you try and swim – you’re done. You’re done.

When you wait until the battle, you lose. A lot of you already know this stuff. You’ve come out of stuff.

People with drug problems don’t hang out with other people and say, “Hey! I’ve been off drugs for twenty-seven years. How are you guys doing those lines these days? We did short ones. I just want to do a little research.”

Alcoholics don’t go, “Hey! I’ll tell you what, it just about ruined my life. It was really tough, but, can I get a Diet Coke here? I’d like to hang out with you guys for three or four or five hours, and let’s talk about – hey, another shot of tequila – you’re doing pretty good on that one! Doesn’t affect me at all!”

What are you going to do if you sit there for three hours? It’s the same with sex. And all the same things that happen in your brain are the same. So, pre-decision.

Pre-decision is when someone begins to flirt. Now, I don’t think that happens to me a lot, but, on occasion, someone begins to flirt. The very first pre-decision: “Have I told you about my wife, Theresa? Hold it – where’s my iPhone? You should see my kids.” Message: This ring means I’m not for sale. Okay?

Pre-decision: When someone’s dressed – or let me say, not dressed – very well. Pre-decision: Don’t look twice. It’s a pre-decision.

It’s like, Oh, maybe I should pray for her. I need a really good look to know what her needs would be. Right? Are you kidding me? It’s a pre-decision! That look will lead to that thought, that will lead to this, and I’m going to be in Matthew 5 saying, Lord, I’m really sorry. I’ve lusted in my mind. These are pre-decisions. They take practice.

When you’re dating someone – pre-decision: Who are you going to date? For me, it was not just a believer, not just a believer who had high standards and loved God more than me, but they had a common vision. If they don’t have that, after all the Christian girls I dated, forget it. And God gave me Theresa.

When you go on a date, how far will you go? Pre-decision: In our relationship – you talk about it – when we hold hands, it means this. When I put my arm around you, it means this. When we kiss on the mouth, it means this. If we do anything beyond that, this is the level of commitment that it means, and these are the boundaries we agree on. Pre-decide.

When you have a date, you pre-decide: Where are you going to go? How late will you stay? What are you going to do? You’re in the stream. This is awesome! It’s awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. But it’s dangerous. It’s a gift. Don’t mess it up.

Sexual purity demands a game plan. In a game plan, you have to start with, I’m going to develop convictions, in fact, drive a stake today. I’m going to ponder the consequences of the evil and the bad of my hurt, and hurting others. I’m going to make pre-decisions.

And this last one is crucial: Get accountability. Asking others to help you keep your commitments to God will empower you to walk in a way that, it says in verse 11, is pleasing to the Lord.

Elders in this church, once a month, we pray early and have some sharing time. We went around a room and the three questions were: “How is your thought life, with regard to purity?” “Where and how are you doing in your marriage?” and, “How is your personal time and walk with God?”

I have a friend who’s a board member, and a friend of thirty-some years – and this was a number of months ago, but we sat down. I can tell him anything; he can tell me anything. When I’m really struggling, I call him, or two or three other buddies that I’m really close to. And he has this crazy, little card. “Have you watched anything in the last thirty days that would be displeasing to God? Have you…?”

He goes through these questions that are cutting. And they would be offensive, if I hadn’t asked him, “Would you help me keep my commitments to God?” Because we all have some level of denial, and we’re all liars – which is his last question. He asks these six questions, and they’re just penetrating. “Have you lusted? Have you done this? Have you done that?” The last question is, “Have you lied to me in any of the above six questions?”

Do you have someone in your life?

What does AA teach us? Why do you have to have a personal trainer to lose weight, for some of you? Why do you need a buddy or a gal to walk with to do it consistently? We all need people! “Encourage one another day after day, lest any one of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” “A cord of three is not easily broken.”

Get accountability. Tell them, I made a conviction! I’m going to be spiritually and sexually pure. I’ve made these pre-decisions. These are mine. What are yours? Could we meet, even if it’s by phone, once a week, and be straight with one another?” God will deliver you.

Finally, as you turn to the back page, it’s the reward. “Sexual purity’s payoff –” I want you to add two words. “Sexual purity’s payoff –” write the words: is awesome. Is awesome.

One couple’s journey, I just want to say, God’s way works. Some of you, you’re here, and you haven’t been around very long, and you’re thinking, Well, easy for a pastor to say.

I didn’t grow up as a Christian. My wife was married before. I played competitive college basketball, and then overseas. And everything that I’ve told you about is not how I lived, up until I was introduced to God’s Word. And even the first couple, three years after I was introduced, it was not easy. I’ve done tons of things wrong. God has been very gracious to limit the consequences.

But He gave us a fresh start, and then, I want to tell you, you ride that bike around the place that He wants you to ride that bike, and everything is great. It really does work.

And it’s never too late. That’s the second point. You can start today; it’s never too late. You can repent today. You can decide you’re going to move out from the relationship where you’re living together. You can break the sexual addiction. You can stop flirting. The woman caught in adultery – what is Jesus’ attitude to us sexual sinners? What did He say to that woman? “Neither do I condemn you” – and our culture is really big on the first half – “therefore go and [sin no more.”]

Some of you, that’s His Word; that’s Jesus to you. That’s all you really need to hear. “I don’t condemn you! Go and sin no more.” You say, “Well, how?” Well, develop convictions, ponder the consequences, right? Make some pre-decisions, and get accountability. And, by the way, you have to be in God’s Word. There is power in this truth as you renew your mind. It’s never too late. It wasn’t too late for David, king of Israel – adultery. It wasn’t too late for Rahab. It wasn’t too late for Augustine. Augustine was a sexual pervert before he came to Christ and shaped the Church. His own testimony was the wildness of his lust as a young man. Nothing is new. It’s never, never too late.

And, finally, a word to virgins. Yes, there are virgins in the world, even in the Church. And here’s what it is: You’re not weird, you’re wise. You’re not weird, you’re wise.

I was teaching on a related topic, and gave a similar talk, many years ago. And a young man came, and he was – I learned later – he was twenty-eight, twenty-nine years old. He looked like a professional guy. And he came up, and he said, “Can I talk?” I said, “Well, sure.” He said, “No, over here.” I mean, I thought, Ooh. Okay, okay.

So, we went over here. And he said, “I’m twenty-eight” – whatever – “and I’m a doctor. And what you shared is how I was taught, and how I have lived. Do you know what it’s like to be twenty-eight, twenty-nine years old, praying, living a pure life, waiting for that? I just feel weird. Man, I just feel like – I mean, I am so made to feel like I’m out of touch with the real world, and what’s really going on. So, this really helped me. But I just had to tell you, I mean, I feel weird.”

And I remember putting my hand on his shoulder, and I said, “Dude, you are not weird, you are wise. When everyone else is unpacking their baggage, when everyone else is going through all that stuff, when they have to go to marriage counseling, like I did, because we had to work through all of our stuff – man, you, you are going to be the one that’s wise, who gets the highest, and the best.” Are you ready to step up, and step into God’s plan?